What Does 'Self-Awareness' got to do with Sensuality....
Sensuality - what does it truly mean? Why is 'Self-Awareness' so important or pertinent around sensuality? I am finding within my own life and private practice working with both men and women - people are wanting more, they are desiring more from their own relationship with self to their intimate relationships. Too much and too often there is a disengagement or a disconnection around connecting, around communicating authentically, around just being with self and/or another. I see often the fear of intimacy. This is something I myself work with on a regular basis - my own fears of connecting and of intimacy esp. with self. How to stay present and connected in the midst of the chaos and challenge that we call life. How do you have an intimate relationship with yourself first? So let's explore - what is 'Sensuality?'
From the Oxford Dictionary - The words sensual and sensuous are frequently used interchangeably to mean ‘gratifying the senses’, especially in a sexual sense. Strictly speaking, this goes against a traditional distinction, by which sensuous is a more neutral term, meaning ‘relating to the senses rather than the intellect’. In fact the word sensuous is thought to have been invented by Milton (1641) in a deliberate attempt to avoid the sexual overtones of sensual. To me sensuality is truly about connecting to the senses, yes that can be in a sexual sense as mentioned above - but it is so so much more - body awareness, being present, being connected and aware, noticing, stopping, just being, taking a breath, taking time, listening, feeling and knowing what your body is saying, caring for you etc. When you have connection to the senses, the sensuality of that person is often breath taking.
I also want to add in another aspect - the word erotic - again what does this truly mean? What is it's origin - mid 17th century: from French érotique, from Greek erōtikos, from erōs, erōt- 'sexual love'. The adjective of, relating to, or tending to arouse sexual desire or excitement. So to me the true meaning of this incredible word is about connection and a 'pairing up' with sensuality.
So planting a bold seed - I want you to think about 'Sensuality - The Sensual, Erotic Tale of Love' - I want to shout out - this is about 'SELF LOVE' - this is first most and then what would this look like, sound like, taste like, feel like and smell like.
Sensuality is truly about taking a breath and being with you..seeing with your eyes, hearing with your intuition - how often do our tummies talk and we dont listen, that gut instinct, hearing with our ears, the words we so resonate with, as well as the words that take us away from our centre, the smells of life, the smell of nature, your home, yourself, the food you cook, being present in smell - OMG how exquisite are the smells of life??? The smell of rain, something cooking, the smell of a brand new puppy (their tummies - oh that is such an exquisite smell that you could bottle), oh coffee, the smell of hot and steamy sex, old fashioned roses in a garden, your Mum's cooking. Smells are so incredible and connecting, they delight us, remind us and create connection to our memories. The other aspect is seeing with your eyes, truly seeing - often we space out, or we stare, or we are watching life and living - but if you could simply allow to be seen and to see - how might that change certain parts and pockets of your life? And the sensuality of touch - when we hold a new born baby and a tiny little animal - we are so tender and kind and soft - when was the last time your did the same to your own self, your beauty-full body - often we will say 'this is fat, plump, too big, too whatever', how might it be to touch you gently, fondly, kindly and lovingly with sensuality and then the touch of another - take a breath and be present when you touch, hold that person and feel their hand, arm and body. Dont come from a doing place - come from a being place. When I touch my partner I make sure I am present - like I am one with him - I take breaths and I hold him. It could be simply his hand and I will feel one with him. He doesnt need to know what I am doing, but he will feel it. I remember also my little nephew when I would hold his hand guiding him across the road - and I did this for many many years - I would squeeze his hand and say feel my hand Tombliboo, by doing this I would demand him to be present with my hand - the reason being - we often can touch and not truly be present. He no doubt would get sick of me saying squeeze, squeeze, squeeze and it would be a fun thing and he would pretend not to feel my hand but I get a sense he will always remember his whacky Aunty saying those annoying words. You totally know when someone is totally present with you - through you being present, you demand the other person to be present as well esp. with touch.
So show up, take a breath, feel your feet, get present with what you are feeling in your body - start asking yourself 'What am I noticing, What am I feeling, What am I experiencing?' These 3 questions will support you to become more aware, more present. If your answer is 'I DONT KNOW' say to yourself 'IF I DID KNOW' - act as if you do know!!! Puts you so into the CAUSE state of your life - the positive - esp. women - how often do you hear a woman say 'I DONT KNOW!" and often we do know, but am not game to say 'I DO KNOW!!!' And on the other hand sometimes you wont have a clue about what you are feeling, noticing or experiencing - that is ok - but keep asking yourself, keep coming back to those questions. And in time you will notice things different. Get to know how incredibly awesome and amazing you are!!
Explore you and your beauty-full body...Allow your creativity to get involved, paint, draw, work with clay, work your sensuality into it, what wants to be unleashed, created, what boldness can I bring to the world, what sensual change can I take, what parts demand a different voice, what bubbles away as you read this blog, what gets stirred, what gets challenged and what feels more connecting. Thank you for allowing me to share and to be bold in my own feelings and desires and unclearness and definitely not knowings around living a life that has a different voice...and a pertinent way...
From the Oxford Dictionary - The words sensual and sensuous are frequently used interchangeably to mean ‘gratifying the senses’, especially in a sexual sense. Strictly speaking, this goes against a traditional distinction, by which sensuous is a more neutral term, meaning ‘relating to the senses rather than the intellect’. In fact the word sensuous is thought to have been invented by Milton (1641) in a deliberate attempt to avoid the sexual overtones of sensual. To me sensuality is truly about connecting to the senses, yes that can be in a sexual sense as mentioned above - but it is so so much more - body awareness, being present, being connected and aware, noticing, stopping, just being, taking a breath, taking time, listening, feeling and knowing what your body is saying, caring for you etc. When you have connection to the senses, the sensuality of that person is often breath taking.
I also want to add in another aspect - the word erotic - again what does this truly mean? What is it's origin - mid 17th century: from French érotique, from Greek erōtikos, from erōs, erōt- 'sexual love'. The adjective of, relating to, or tending to arouse sexual desire or excitement. So to me the true meaning of this incredible word is about connection and a 'pairing up' with sensuality.
So planting a bold seed - I want you to think about 'Sensuality - The Sensual, Erotic Tale of Love' - I want to shout out - this is about 'SELF LOVE' - this is first most and then what would this look like, sound like, taste like, feel like and smell like.
Sensuality is truly about taking a breath and being with you..seeing with your eyes, hearing with your intuition - how often do our tummies talk and we dont listen, that gut instinct, hearing with our ears, the words we so resonate with, as well as the words that take us away from our centre, the smells of life, the smell of nature, your home, yourself, the food you cook, being present in smell - OMG how exquisite are the smells of life??? The smell of rain, something cooking, the smell of a brand new puppy (their tummies - oh that is such an exquisite smell that you could bottle), oh coffee, the smell of hot and steamy sex, old fashioned roses in a garden, your Mum's cooking. Smells are so incredible and connecting, they delight us, remind us and create connection to our memories. The other aspect is seeing with your eyes, truly seeing - often we space out, or we stare, or we are watching life and living - but if you could simply allow to be seen and to see - how might that change certain parts and pockets of your life? And the sensuality of touch - when we hold a new born baby and a tiny little animal - we are so tender and kind and soft - when was the last time your did the same to your own self, your beauty-full body - often we will say 'this is fat, plump, too big, too whatever', how might it be to touch you gently, fondly, kindly and lovingly with sensuality and then the touch of another - take a breath and be present when you touch, hold that person and feel their hand, arm and body. Dont come from a doing place - come from a being place. When I touch my partner I make sure I am present - like I am one with him - I take breaths and I hold him. It could be simply his hand and I will feel one with him. He doesnt need to know what I am doing, but he will feel it. I remember also my little nephew when I would hold his hand guiding him across the road - and I did this for many many years - I would squeeze his hand and say feel my hand Tombliboo, by doing this I would demand him to be present with my hand - the reason being - we often can touch and not truly be present. He no doubt would get sick of me saying squeeze, squeeze, squeeze and it would be a fun thing and he would pretend not to feel my hand but I get a sense he will always remember his whacky Aunty saying those annoying words. You totally know when someone is totally present with you - through you being present, you demand the other person to be present as well esp. with touch.
So show up, take a breath, feel your feet, get present with what you are feeling in your body - start asking yourself 'What am I noticing, What am I feeling, What am I experiencing?' These 3 questions will support you to become more aware, more present. If your answer is 'I DONT KNOW' say to yourself 'IF I DID KNOW' - act as if you do know!!! Puts you so into the CAUSE state of your life - the positive - esp. women - how often do you hear a woman say 'I DONT KNOW!" and often we do know, but am not game to say 'I DO KNOW!!!' And on the other hand sometimes you wont have a clue about what you are feeling, noticing or experiencing - that is ok - but keep asking yourself, keep coming back to those questions. And in time you will notice things different. Get to know how incredibly awesome and amazing you are!!
Explore you and your beauty-full body...Allow your creativity to get involved, paint, draw, work with clay, work your sensuality into it, what wants to be unleashed, created, what boldness can I bring to the world, what sensual change can I take, what parts demand a different voice, what bubbles away as you read this blog, what gets stirred, what gets challenged and what feels more connecting. Thank you for allowing me to share and to be bold in my own feelings and desires and unclearness and definitely not knowings around living a life that has a different voice...and a pertinent way...